Unfortunately these qualities are hard to find in today's society. I thought it would be a cute addition to my blog to randomly feature advice on keeping good manners alive so we can pass these valuable lessons on to our children. Here are some lessons taken from 'The Penguin Book of Etiquette'.
Etiquette Lesson: Running Late
This article is for the person who has no intention of irritating others, stepping on toes and otherwise being seen as someone who’s rude and inconsiderate. We all get a little rushed and at times find ourselves running late. Most of us hate the thought that we are going to make others wait for us. If this is you then read on. If you don’t care about how you look or how your tardiness makes others feel then find something else to read.
If you are meeting people at 9am and at 8am (or earlier) you know you are going to be late – let people know. If it’s one person, call them (see my article on cancelling an appointment). If it’s more than one person send a group text saying you are running late and when your expected time of arrival is going to be.
If you arranged the meeting – or are in charge of the meeting – just don’t be late. It’s wrong on so many levels. It squashes consideration for others and puts in question the authority you deserve.
If you are going to walk into a meeting late – knowing that people are waiting for you – don’t arrive with a latte in hand. This says, “I wasn’t really running late. I just took some extra time to get what I wanted when I wanted it. I don’t care that you didn’t get your coffee in order to be on time. I’m just making clear my priorities – my needs are more important than your convenience.”
Further, if there’s a chance one person had to forgo a meal or coffee so that they could arrive on time don’t show up late with food (or anything but your apologetic self). Everyone else managed to get there on time. Some rearranged their schedule so they could accommodate you and your request to start a meeting at a specific time. Don’t kick them in the teeth by saying you didn’t have time to eat/drink but took the time to stop for food (and now you’re going to consume it in front of everyone) at the expense of others’ convenience and possible grumbling stomach.
Time is a precious commodity. From the guy with the dog who needs a walk before he leaves the house, to the single parent who didn’t get to kiss the kids good-bye before racing out the door – everyone has a to do list. It just takes some pre-planning, follow through and integrity for them to arrive on time. Your late arrival, but having taken the time to stop at Starbucks, screams to everyone how irritatingly inconsiderate you are.
Etiquette Lesson: Remembering Names
It is both an art and a science. If you weren't born with a talent for remembering, master it by scientific means. It takes discipline and practice but it can be done, even if you are Mr Forgetful or Mrs Absentminded. Below are a few techniques that work for some people which may work for you too.
- Repeat the name of the person you have just met the moment you shake hands. 'How do you do, George.' Use the name again in the next-but-one sentence 'George, I couldn't agree more.' Don't overdo it though! It can be very irritating!
- Silently repeat the name of the person you have just met 15 times but do not look as though you are adrift in another world and keep your lips still.
- If possible, write down the name of the person as soon as you can. Some people have to see a name before they can remember it.
- Associate the name with a rhyme: George. Georgey Porgey pudding and pie... or Mary. Mary Mary quite contrary. Tom. Tom the Pom. Rod. Rod the God... the list goes on. Make sure any irreverence remains unspoken.
- Identify the name with a person by thinking of something striking in that person's appearance: Ruth has red hair; Alan is very tall, Katrina has a fabulous sparkling ring, Joe has a very funny comb-over etc.
Guests who struggle with names are always hoping for a second chance at an introduction to resist embarrassment so a thoughtful host would take an opportunity to repeat people's names in general conversation. 'Sandra, I've seated you next to Heather,' or 'I thought so too, Debra.'
When you are with a friend - say down the street or in a shop - and you are greeted by someone whose name escapes you, on no account disregard your friend when you stop to chatter. You must make some form of introduction. Your best bet are these. Perform a one-way introduction, with 'This is my work colleague Anna Summit,' and hope that the stranger will then introduce themselves to your friend.
Etiquette Lesson: Table Manners
One soup slurp or tooth pick is all it takes to turn some people off. So stay on your toes with this quick table manners refresher course from Louise Fox of the Etiquette Ladies...
- If you are the recipient of a toast, keep your glass at arm’s length—never drink from it. Instead, simply nod your head and graciously say, “Thank you.”
- Never take your cocktail to the dinner table.
- Allow your food to cool on its own—never blow on anything.
- If you wear lipstick, keep it off your plate and napkin by blotting it as soon as you apply it.
- Your napkin is there for you to dab your mouth only. Do not use it to wipe off lipstick or (God forbid) blow your nose.
- Keep your elbows off the table at all times.
- Don’t put your purse, keys, sunglasses, or eyeglasses on the table.
- Take food out of your mouth the way it went in. If a piece of steak fat went into your mouth with a fork, spit it out onto the fork.
- Remove an olive pit with your thumb and index finger.
- Taste everything on your plate before you add salt or pepper.
- Leave your plate where it is when you are finished with your meal—don’t push it away from you.
And I might add...
- Use the bread plate to your left
- Start from the outside and work your way in with your cutlery setting
- Always eat soup using a soup spoon at the back of the bowl (and gently tip away from you if needed)
- Don't lick your plate (or use your finger for that matter!)
- Your knife should never go in your mouth
- And never speak with your mouth full!
